A Good Question

 This is not a news bulletin to the people I live with, but I do, in fact, talk to myself.
 And one of the questions I like to ask is 'What'll it be?'

It's kind of like a prompt.  I use it to get myself going. Moving. Off the fence and over to the other side. I find it a particularly good question when I'm writing my 'to do' list at the beginning of a day.

Between spinning, weaving and dyeing, there are always lots of  possibilities. So sometimes it really does feel  like I'm sitting down with a menu, (and a cup of coffee) - getting ready to place my order.

I'm pretty sure I could take this 'favorite diner' fantasy a lot further, but for now let's just say it includes an (admittedly stereotypical) image of  a waitress who is friendly, jovial and knows me well, but is, none the less, tapping her pen on the order pad, 'waiting' on me.  There's a certain no-nonsense quality about it (her?)- we're enjoying ourselves, but time is 'a wastin'. 

Anyway, - I use the question a lot - like when I've got new (or different) material to work with; a new yarn to try out on the loom, or a new fiber to spin.  Asking the question helps me begin imagining ways I might want to use or manipulate whatever it is. In this case, 'what'll it be?' has to do with what can it become?

New materials don't usually carry a lot of baggage for me, especially if I haven't read or seen anything that anyone else has done with them.  It's pretty easy to just spend time experimenting to see what happens - without expectations. 'Different' materials can be more of a challenge -  because I've probably already formed an opinion about what I think I know - maybe based on my experience with something similar - so if it doesn't turn out the way I'd expected.- the way I WANT it to be,-  that can get my knickers in a twist.

Different comes to me in many forms, but it recently showed up as a couple of skeins of yarn I'd dyed for a project (and then changed my mind about because once it dried, the color was really, really - different).

Different as in:- this is not what I wanted; I don't like it; it can't possibly work the way I wanted it to; I don't want to even try to use it the way I'd planned; I might not even be able to do anything with it at all, - ever;  it's absolutely wrong - a HUGE mistake and What was I thinking?

At which point 'different' pretty accurately describes my entire state of mind, not just my feelings toward the yarn  (and yes, I DO have feelings about yarn, -  people who don't are the ones with the problem).

 So this is where my question becomes particularly useful to me - because I've come to understand (although sometimes it's hard to remember) that IT'S NOT ABOUT THE YARN.  

 By asking myself  "Well, what'll it be?" - I can stop for a moment and take another look at the 'menu'.  The big menu. (the grown-ups' menu?) The all-encompassing 'this is' menu.  It turns out that the gum chewing, foot tapping, pencil in hand waitress in my mind serves as a reminder that whatever is on my plate - how I feel about it and what I decide to do with it - is up to me.  I'm the one who gets to choose.  Every time.  All the time. No exceptions.

If I don't like what I've got, it's up to me to choose something new.  At the very least I will have cleared away the expectations.